All of a sudden it’s out of control and I have no hold on what is my own. I’m spinning around and I have no meaning, not even within myself. I had control of what we had and then I felt a shift, a distinguished change. I remember it clearly.
My grasp slips and I’ve lost what was so dear. So careless. If I don’t own it anymore, who does? Someone has to, right?
I can’t decide whether to shut my eyes or keep them open wide. Watch as it all ends. It doesn’t matter. I do not see reality, just flashes of the past and future, no present. I’m grabbing at air, searching for something to support me. Nothing. I’m cursing, screaming, crying now. I’m desperate. Fighting for this abstract thing, with no visible opponent.
And then I make a full circle and I feel it all come back. Return, come home to me. I’m breathing heavily now, relieved, shocked and overwhelmed. You’re mine, again. Thank God. I was scared. Dead. I wipe the tears from my chin and my shaking hands regain its touch. Grips it. I’ll never let go.
It’s fine. I’m fine.
But I hate the cold and the darkness. Mostly, the fear. Don’t leave. Stay home. Wait for the circles.
